


How to Get Away With (Illegal Magical Hijinks)

by MastarHG



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: G/T, GT, Giant/Tiny, Leprechauns, M/M, Macrophilia, Magic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Size Difference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-06-01 12:51:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6520480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MastarHG/pseuds/MastarHG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark technically didn't own this field. If he did, it wouldn't be 'abandoned'. But he'd never seen another human being on it, and if he ever did, he could imagine himself in a mixture of curiosity and irritation.</p><p>Today was the day that nothing changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Case It Wasn't Clear, Magic Is Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome one and all to my second ever multichapter fic! this time i'm explaining the kinks away with Magic(TM). so far i have three chapters planned (with smut to come, because i have no self control), but if you have something you wanna see in this fic, i'll be happy to write more! also, the chapter title is a homestuck reference, lol
> 
> hope y'all enjoy it!

It was where he liked to go to be alone. Mark was an introvert by nature, and this was his perfect recluse, where he could abandon the world as it had abandoned the field just behind town. He visited it maybe once a week or so, and had done for a good few years. Fifty times a year - more or less - he trekked along the field’s edge, first in through the fence on the edge closest to town, up to the border of the forest in desperate need of coppicing, which threatened to swallow the field up. From there he walked along the line of trees until he reached the footpath that divided the small, triangular offcut from a much larger field on the other side, and he followed this path back to the gate he entered from. It was about an hour’s walk around the whole perimeter, and miraculously, in the hundreds of times he’d traversed that field, not once had he encountered another human being. He had come to sort of claim the little lot as his own, and he could imagine himself in a mixture of curiosity and irritation if he ever came across another person walking his route.

The day was Saturday. The weather was overcast, chilly, precipitation high. Rain would fall tonight. But even through the cloud layer, there was still enough Spring light for a late afternoon stroll. The weather didn’t bother Mark. He walked his route when he needed to clear his mind, find peace in nothingness, and he didn’t let rain or snow stop him. The ground was damp, however. It had rained only an hour or two ago. Mark knew the field like the back of his hand, and he knew the earth would be sodden, so he pulled on an old pair of converse and a warm hoodie before embarking on his ritual expedition.

He didn’t even bother to bring any music with him. When he went on these walks, he listened to the wind, the birds, the nature living and breathing around him. Having music playing would break that connection to the world, or at least that’s what he felt. Every journey around the field was its own unique experience. There were always subtle differences every time he visited the area, be it seasonal birds, blooming flowers, the odd squirrel or even a badger.

Today, however, there was no subtlety. As Mark turned the first corner to walk along the edge of the forest, he noticed it not more than ten yards ahead of himself. Was that… another person? Someone dressed in green, who appeared to be talking to the trees. Well, there was no way Mark wasn’t going to approach them, not least of all because they were standing directly in the middle of his route. It was a wonder how he hadn’t managed to spot this person before he had turned at the edge of the field, but even as he approached them, they seemed just as oblivious to his presence.

In the hundreds of times he’d traversed the field, not once had he encountered another human being. Today was no different. Upon closer inspection, this could not possibly be a human being. The ‘man’ before him, chanting as if in a trance, had green hair, pointed ears, and golden trousers that shimmered with the intensity of the purest sunlight, even when there was no sun in the sky. His shoes shone a pure black, as if he hadn’t had to trek through a muddy field to reach his current position. Arguably the most normal thing about him was his grey flat cap, because bottle green was not exactly a common colour for a suit jacket.

Mark really didn’t know how to handle the situation, and before his brain could form a sentence that was even a little less impolite, the words, “Who are you?” came spilling out of his mouth.

“JESUS FUCKIN’ CHRIST!” the man yelled as he staggered backwards. The absurd volume of his reaction caused Mark to falter a few steps back, too. Ok, that accent was unapologetically Irish. The mystery man stared at Mark in bewilderment for several seconds, and Mark could feel the Earth move beneath his feet the whole time. He’d never really considered himself an 'eye’ person, and as such he was just a little bit disgusted with how fucking _gorgeous_ those eyes were. Blue. _Pure._ Unfettered by the worries which plagued the likes of mortals. No human could possibly have eyes that blue. “Shit, shit, shit shit shit how did you see me?”

Mark was still a little perplexed, but he found the resolve to sass back, “With my eyes.”

The green man seemed to ignore his witticism, talking mostly to himself. “Did I forget t'put a barrier up? Ohhhhh god, what an ass! What an ASS!”

“I’m sorry but, who are you?”

That got the rambler’s attention. “Oh, uhhhhh, I’m… nobody important! Just some guy! Out for a stroll!”

It didn’t take a psychoanalyst to deduce that this 'human’ was lying. Mark cocked his eyebrow in response. “Please. You’re not fooling me.” He pressed on, “What’s your name?”

“I…” the tree whisperer trailed off, glancing left and right as if trying to find a way out of the inescapable maze of the question 'What’s your name?’. “Jaaaaack,” he managed at last, about as unconvincingly as physically possible.

“Wanna try that once more with feeling?”

“Ok, well, my name is Seán, but people just call me Jack as a nickname.”

“Good!” Mark smiled. “Honesty is the best policy. I’m Mark,” he said, daring to offer his hand out and praying to whatever god would listen that either his hand didn’t totally clam up or get zapped off the moment this ethereal being touched it. Either scenario was just as bad, really.

'Jack’ was tentative, looking between Mark’s face and his hand with those piercingly bright blue eyes. It looked as though he was more afraid of what Mark would do to him than the other way around. Still, he understood the gesture, and eventually took Mark’s hand to shake it.

“So what are you really?” Mark asked as they broke apart, “and don’t come back with that 'just a human’ baloney! I can see it in your eyes, your hair, your ears, your pants, your boots. You are not a human.”

Jack sighed, tapping his foot in anger at himself. “I’m… a leprechaun,” he said quietly.

There was a brief pause, before Mark burst out laughing. “A leprechaun!? Really?”

“Yeah… why’s t'at so funny?”

“Aren’t you kind of…” Mark gesticulated incoherently, “ _…tall_ for a leprechaun?”

“Well we’re not always tiny,” Jack said, wrinkling his nose like Mark had failed Leprechauns 101. “We can change our size at will using magic.”

“Oh really? With magic?” Mark goaded.

“Yeah!” And with that, Jack leapt into the air. As he descended, he shrank himself down, and by the time he came to land on Mark’s shoulder, he was no more than four inches high. “We can be small, or we can be big!” He smirked, jumping back onto the ground. He rose up through the grass, up and up, back to his former height (which Mark estimated was about 5'9"), and then up even further. In a matter of seconds his height had almost doubled.

“O-okay, you can stop now! You’ve proven your point!” Mark’s voice wavered, not because he was scared, but because he desperately did not want to be aroused by this, and yet that was exactly the position he found himself.

“What was that? You wanted me to stop?” Jack grinned, absolutely not stopping. He was now the size of a small house.

“P-please!” Getting hard in tight denim jeans was never a fun experience.

Jack shrugged, and he snapped back to his original height, as if he were an elastic band that had just been released. “Anyway,” he began, his tone suddenly very matter-of-fact, “I kind of sort of need you t'forget this encounter ever happened. Y'know, integrity of the society of magical beings 'n’ all t'at.”

Mark’s eyes widened, and Jack quickly added, “I don’t mean I’m going t'erase your memories! T'at’s a violation of magical laws.”

“Then…”

“I need t'strike a bargain with you. So what’ll it be? Money? Most people take t'at.”

Mark looked skeptical though. Money wasn’t an issue. He had a _highly_ successful YouTube career. He could donate the money he got to charity, but then… how would he explain the sudden windfall to the bank? “Actually, can I ask you something?”

“No, we don’t bury pots of gold under rainbows,” Jack answered before Mark could even begin. “You can’t actually approach a rainbow, not even with magic. If you try, the rainbow just gets further away, because t'e light just refracts from raindrops t'at are further away.”

“Ah, okay…” Mark said, almost feeling a little disappointed. “But no, I’m not a material person.”

“T'en what?” Jack asked. “Luck?”

“Pffft, that sounds boring,” Mark snickered. Jack deadpanned. “No, I’ll tell you what I want.” He had a plan.

“Fire away.”

“I’ll agree to forget I ever saw you… what were you doing actually?”

“Chore work, really,” Jack winced. “A cleansing spell, t'channel a fuckload of bad energy into the branch of a tree. Ya take off the branch, burn it, and t'e evil is eradicated. Wait why am I tellin’ you this?”

“Right, right. I’ll agree to forget I ever saw you doing magic here, **if…** ” Mark paused, trying to summon the courage to complete his sentence.

“…If?”

“If you agree to go on a date with me.”

Jack was taken aback. His jaw actually dropped open at the proposition.

“Well?” Mark asked, looking almost bashful.

He didn’t even know it yet, but this was the moment. This was the exact moment, measurable right down to the nanosecond, that Jack fell in love with the human named Mark. “Uhh… umm…” Jack became painfully aware of how red he was turning. “I… don’t see… why t'at… couldn’t be arranged?”

“Awesome!” Mark couldn’t believe that his plan had actually worked. “Do you know your way around town?”

“N-no…” Jack’s face was rapidly approaching the colour of a ripe tomato. Mark touched his hand ever so gently, and he gasped a little.

“Then I can show you around!” Mark was beaming now. “Meet me in the corner of the field,” he said, pointing back the way he came, “just by the gate. Is tomorrow at one ok for you? Does time function normally for leprechauns?”

“Y-yeah! I mean, yes, and yes. T'e time is fine, a-and yes, time functions normally for us.”

“Then it’s a date!” Mark smiled, turning away and strolling back towards the front of the field with a visible spring in his step.

What the fuck had Jack just signed himself up for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the first chapter! i'm still technically on semi-hiatus, but you can keep tabs on all the latest updates and sneak previews on my blog, septiplier-superstar.tumblr.com
> 
> i'm still taking requests for the Perks series, too, so check that out if you haven't already! thanks for reading y'all!


	2. It's Hard, and Nobody Understands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoooookay so. first off: hi it's been a while. sorry 'bout that. i'm not going to spend the entirety of these opening notes apologising, but it has been almost 2 months
> 
> secondly: to make up for that, i think this chapter ended up being the longest thing i've ever written? be it fic, chapter, or otherwise, i'm pretty this is just the single longest thing i've written. buuuuut...
> 
> thirdly: this chapter details the events of a whole day, which encompasses all of Mark and Jack's first date. as a result, this chapter kinda reads more like a series of interconnected drabbles than as a single flowing chapter, but i think it works in its own way
> 
> lastly, just a few general points. the title of this chapter is also a homestuck reference, just like the last one. additionally, this chapter is 100% smut free, and even pretty much entirely kink free, so i hope you enjoy this chapter even if g/t isn't your cup of tea!

Jack had been pacing around the field for three quarters of an hour. No, Mark wasn't late. Jack was early. Far too early. He had agreed to meet Mark by the fence gate at the bottom of the field at one in the afternoon. It was currently 12:30.

This was not something Jack had ever done before.

Magical creatures and human society had coexisted for thousands of years, but the two rarely had any kind of extensive interaction. Whenever humans caught sight of a magical being, a deal had to be struck so that humans could continue living in blissful ignorance, and the secrecy of magic society could be protected. 'With great power comes great responsibility', and all that. It wasn't terribly uncommon for humans to spot a legendary creature; there was a sighting, maybe... once every ten years, on average? And so long as a deal could be struck in order to seal the memory of the human, there was no punishment by magical law for getting caught. There had to have been hundreds of sightings across all of history, but each time, a bargain had been struck, and each race had gone back to their versions of normality. Most people settled for money, power, luck, or love. Sometimes people had particular requests, but usually they were perfectly fulfillable by whomever they had caught.

In the thousands of years of magical history, this was the first time anyone had asked for a date. And sure, Jack had gone on dates before - human and magical society had their similarities, after all - but this was such an unprecedented event, such unexplored territory, that Jack was as flustered and anxious as a lost child. He suddenly needed someone to hold his hand and guide him through this confusing and alien situation. Mark was there for that.

No, literally. While Jack had been busy stewing in his own anxiety, Mark had appeared, beaming, bright, dressed just as casually as the day before. Jack was also dressed similarly to how he had been yesterday, which Mark picked up on right away.

"Is magical fashion really so boring?"

"What!?" Jack jumped, spinning around and nearly toppling into the mud. "I mean, uh, no, well..."

Mark cocked an eyebrow. "So you're definitely not wearing the same clothes as yesterday?"

"Well, I changed my shirt, I mean..." Was that what he was supposed to say? Was he supposed to say 'No, I picked out this outfit just for this date!', even if that wasn't necessarily true? Was that how dates worked?

Mark smiled. "Well, I guess that's a start, but you're going to stick out like a sore, green thumb on the city streets." Jack couldn't help it if his wardrobe looked esoteric by human standards. "As such," Mark went on with a jokingly falsified tone of pomp, "I hereby declare that our first order of business on this date be to get you some better clothes!"

Jack wasn't sure whether or not to feel insulted or amused by that remark, but as he took Mark's outstretched hand, he was ultimately relieved that at least one of them knew what he was doing.

*****

"There!" Mark cried as Jack stepped out of the changing room of a high street clothes store. "You almost look like a real human!"

"Are you sure t'is is okay?" Jack complained, clearly not used to such attire.

"Of course," Mark reassured him. "The hoodie matches your eyes."

Jack could feel the heat creeping into his face. He still hadn't caught up with his own emotions - he still wasn't aware of just how in love with Mark he really was, or at least, was going to be.

"Okay," Mark continued, his voice piercing Jack's inner turmoil like the beacon that it was, "you change out of those so I can pay for them. Then we can hit the town for real!"

"I'm keeping t'e hat, t'ough," Jack stated, though he wasn't really sure why he felt it was necessary to announce that to everyone in earshot. He pulled on his trusty grey flat cap, just to drive the point home.

Mark looked Jack up and down again, reassessing his outfit with the additional accessory. "You look good in that hat," he decided, mentally adding 'You'd look good in anything', and subconsciously adding 'You'd look good in nothing at all', which prompted his brain to swiftly silence his subconscious, and also to note cutting down on internal monologues involving Jack lest they turn into utter filth.

*****

The town itself was not particularly impressive, and so Mark immediately suggested heading over to the retail park on the opposite side of town. There were a number of places they could visit - aside from shops and restaurants, there was also a bowling alley and a cinema. Even though Mark felt it was kind of cheesy for a first date, they settled for sitting in one of the coffee shops and making idle conversation between sips of mocha and latte.

And Mark sensed it was a little too idle. When he asked, 'So, what do you think of this place so far?', Jack replied with only, 'It's nice. Quaint.', without even so much as a glance up from his coffee. Mark tried again.

"You were working here yesterday, but you'd never been to town before. Do you travel a lot in your job?"

"Yeah." Still fixed on his mug.

"...Is everything okay?" Mark asked. Was he doing something wrong?

Jack looked up, but his gaze instantly flicked to the window. "Yeah, it's just... I'm not really... 'feeling' t'is." He'd been on dates before, but that didn't mean he knew how to be romantic, which was a shame because Mark was honestly pretty cute. It was hard to not beat himself up over it.

"Hey, hey." Mark immediately leaned over the table to console Jack, gently taking the one hand that was unoccupied. "It's okay." That was kind of a lie, and it was hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice, but it at least got Jack to make eye contact.

"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes turning away from the window, avoiding Mark's face and dropping down to his chest.

"It's okay..." Mark repeated, and then he paused, as another idea began to form in his head. "I think lunch is pretty overdue," he began, hoping what he was about to suggest wouldn't sound so forward that it put Jack off even more. "Do you wanna come back to my place for lunch? I love cooking for people."

Jack looked up at him with his bright, beautiful eyes, and to Mark's relief, a smile spread across his face - a smile so warm and sincere that Mark could feel his heart trying to float up out of his mouth and into the infinite void of space.

"Actually, that sounds great. Thank you."

*****

It was about 2:30 in the afternoon when Mark led Jack up the path to his front door. Jack was actually a little surprised to find that Mark lived in a bungalow. For some reason, he'd assumed Mark was an apartment kind of guy. Then again, there was still a lot they didn't know about each other. Neither of them even knew what the other's job actually was, and so Jack made a mental note to bring that up later.

"Right," Mark said, fishing out his key. It was pretty funky looking, kind of a cream colour, and... covered in tiny pink moustaches? He inserted it into the lock, but before the tumbler even had a chance to turn, there was a dull snap, and the head of the key came away in Mark's hand. He stared at it, flabbergasted, and then as he looked up towards Jack, a million questions ran through his head at once. What was he going to do? Why did this have to happen now, when Jack was here? Could he retrieve the arm of the key from the lock? He tried to pull it out with his fingernails, but it somehow only seemed to wedge itself in even further. He kept a spare key hidden outside the door, like most people (his was duct taped to the underside of an empty flowerpot), but that wouldn't even matter because the lock was completely unusable.

This time as Mark was processing the thought 'Will I have to call a locksmith?', that unapologetically Irish accent snapped him out of his self induced trance. "Don't panic, I have an idea. Hold out your hand." Mark was a little dumbstruck, but he did as he was told.

In much the same manner as he'd done the day before, Jack leapt into the air, coming to land right side up on Mark's outstretched hand. He probably should have seen it coming, but Mark was still a little shocked by the sudden transformation.

"Here, lift me up t'the keyhole." Jack's voice continued to guide Mark's actions, and he did as he was asked.

Jack was now about an inch tall. He was the perfect size for digging his arms into a keyhole to retrieve a broken bit of key. With his tiny stature, pulling the key past each pin of the tumbler was quite the effort, but after the first two, he started to slowly grow himself again, taking hold of the end of the key that was now protruding from the lock and simply pulling it towards him with increasing ease. With one final tug, he pulled the metal piece free, toppling over in the process. He sat there, 6 inches tall, beaming up at Mark with the key shard in his hand.

"That... was amazing..." Mark mumbled, utterly floored.

"I hope your spare key isn't as flimsy as t'is one," Jack said, still smiling as Mark took the key shard from his hands with a small 'thank you'. Mark's eyes were fixed to Jack, and the longer they held each other's gaze, the redder Jack's face became. "...What?"

"Er, I..." Mark started, losing all ability of articulation. "Um, I, uh, was wondering, if you..."

"If I what?" Jack encouraged him.

"If you, would maybe, just, entertain... a... silly idea of mine."

"Which is?"

"Uh, oof..." Mark fumbled again. It was his turn to blush now. "Would you, maybe... consider staying... at that height?" He was rubbing the back of his neck with embarrassment at this point.

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Why? Is it 'cause leprechauns are usually tiny? Are you being leprechaun racist?"

"I- What? No!"

Jack continued to stare at Mark, his gaze almost intrusive, and then he suddenly opened his eyes again, tipping his head back as though to laugh. "Oh, I get it! Size kink, right?" His anxiety from earlier had totally vanished, and the mischievous side that leprechauns were known for was finally starting to shine through.

"Don't say it like that!" Even through the tan of his skin, it would've been clear to anyone watching just how much blood had rushed to Mark's face.

"So you're not even gonna deny it, huh?"

Mark didn't even have a rebuttal. Only a plea.

"Well, we'll see." Jack grinned playfully. "Now are y'gonna carry me over t'e t'reshold?"

There was an awkward silence while Mark tried calm his nerves so he wouldn't end up dropping the tiny Jack and splattering him over the ground, which was eventually followed by, "Yeah, okay." Mark used his knee to tilt the flowerpot up as he yanked out the key from underneath it, and, to his immense relief, didn't break it as he turned it in the lock, successfully opening the door.

*****

Jack actually stayed at his six inch height for quite a while, watching Mark prepare his 'favourite dish': chicken and dumplings. What better way, Mark thought, than to impress his new guest with his most beloved recipe?

Of course, things did not go entirely to plan. Jack - the rascally leprechaun that he was, kept stealing pieces of vegetable and taking bites out of them (carrots seemed to be his favourite), or somehow winding up in the spice cupboard and switching around all the spices. Mark freaked the fuck out when that happened the first time. He was terrified that Jack had fallen somewhere inaccessible, that he'd just vanished into oblivion to suffer an unknown fate. He then came within millimetres of a heart attack when he opened the cupboard and was met with Jack's grinning face, though he wasn't entirely sure what was more stressful: Jack's sudden appearance, or the fact that his meticulously arranged spice cupboard was in total disarray. At the very least, Jack seemed to be having fun. His behaviour was a lot more positive, a lot more natural, and a lot more open than when they'd been sat in the coffee shop. Mark was having fun, too. They were both having fun. 'What could be better?' Mark thought.

There was no set time for when they had to part ways, so after they'd finished eating (for which Jack resumed his 'normal' height), Mark invited Jack to stay for a round or two of Smash 4. Much to his surprise, Mark discovered that Jack was quite a vocal gamer, and that his commentary was actually... kind of really hilarious. It caused several thoughts to run through Mark's head, thoughts such as 'Would Jack make a good YouTuber?', and 'Is he that vocal when it comes to other things as well?'.

But the evening didn't ended there for the unlikely duo. After Jack insisted he wanted to stay a while longer, they ended up flicking through movie channels until they found Wall-E, which Jack watched with rapt fascination.

"I don't t'ink I've ever seen a human movie," he admitted.

"How come?"

"Well, 'cause I'm never really around humans. As a leprechaun, my work doesn't usually take me near human movie t'eatres, or put me in a position where I could go buy a movie."

"Most people these days stream movies from Netflix and stuff though." Jack just grunted, gave a vague hand gesture, and turned his attention back to the TV as the opening scene began to play. A huge grin stretched across his face as Wall-E came into view, stacking his cubes of trash.

"Aw, I love it already! Cartoons are so rare in magical society!" Mark smiled, wondering why that could possibly be.

"Is it because you have magic?"

"Yeah, I guess," Jack replied absentmindedly, his gaze still fixed to the TV. "When you have magic, t'ere's no need t'rely on cartoons, or even CGI."

As the movie went on, Jack reacted to each scene with a childlike engagement, his emotions being played like a fiddle. Mark was far from ignorant of Jack's constant fidgeting too, and it certainly didn't go unnoticed that Jack was inching ever so slowly closer to him on the sofa. By the time the Axiom was touching down on Earth, Jack's head was leaning against Mark's right shoulder. He noticed that, as EVE desperately tried to rebuild Wall-E, a damp patch was forming on his shoulder. Was... was Jack _crying?_ Feeling it was the right thing to do, Mark placed his hand gently over Jack's, and to his surprise, Jack intertwined their fingers.

It really was surprising just how differently Jack behaved when he was alone with Mark compared to how he was back in the coffee shop. Maybe he wasn't used to being around other people - even small numbers of people? He usually kept out of sight, it seemed, so that was a likely explanation. Or maybe he just felt like he required some kind of platonic bond before being able to develop romantic feelings? There was a word for that, wasn't there? Demiromantic. Heck, maybe it was both those things.

Mark was still mulling over his inner monologue as the damp patch on his shoulder continued to grow while the final scene of the film played out, but in the back of his mind, he still heard the words of the song that was playing.

_'And that is all,_   
_that love's about._   
_And we'll recall,_   
_when time runs out:_   
_That it only_   
_took a moment_   
_to be loved,_   
_a whole life long.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel kind of cheesy ending this chapter on song lyrics, but fuck it, i wanted to. also you may have noticed that the chapter count has gone up to 5... so i accidentally planned another 2 whole chapters that i didn't originally intend to write (this one being one of them) because haha idfk end my life before septiplier does it first. yea tho, that does mean this fic is gonna end up being even longer than One Week...
> 
> but anyway, you can keep tabs on all the latest updates and sneak preview on my blog, septiplier-superstar.tumblr.com
> 
> and of course, i'm still taking requests for the Perks series, so check that out if you haven't already! thanks for reading y'all!


End file.
